DELTA SHORTS: DELTA DELUSIONS

Ain’t No Bugs On Me

By WILLIAM PRENTISS

Howell children under Bill and Francine Luckett's Boll Weevil. Photo by DB

My grandmother ruined me. I never had a chance against a bug. She used to give me an old metal bug sprayer and tell me, “Get that bug Bill!” She meant, “Bill, you better get that bug before it gets you!”

I have been afraid of bugs my whole life as a result. I am not afraid of snakes (did get struck on the shoe by a water moccasin I was chasing a couple years ago–don’t much like that breed of reptile), but bugs have always given me the willies.

I sure wish I had figured out long ago how to get over my aversion, because if I had, I would still be alive today. No kidding.

After a bout with depression fueled by alcohol and pain pills, I was twisting in agony all alone in my upstairs loft. I had seen or thought I had seen a host of spiders crawling across the room.

In my fog-induced stupor I wandered to the kitchen and got an insect bomb prior to foolishly setting it off in the room as I fell asleep. The last thing I remember before expiring was smiling to myself how smart I was that there “ain’t no bugs on me!”

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.