Delta Delusions: Ain’t No Bugs On Me

DELTA SHORTS: DELTA DELUSIONS

 

Ain’t No Bugs On Me

By WILLIAM PRENTISS

Howell children under Bill and Francine Luckett's Boll Weevil. Photo by DB

Howell children under Bill and Francine Luckett's Boll Weevil. Photo by DB

My grandmother ruined me. I never had a chance against a bug. She used to give me an old metal bug sprayer and tell me, “Get that bug Bill!” She meant, “Bill, you better get that bug before it gets you!”

 

I have been afraid of bugs my whole life as a result. I am not afraid of snakes (did get struck on the shoe by a water moccasin I was chasing a couple years ago–don’t much like that breed of reptile), but bugs have always given me the willies.

 

I sure wish I had figured out long ago how to get over my aversion, because if I had, I would still be alive today. No kidding.

 

After a bout with depression fueled by alcohol and pain pills, I was twisting in agony all alone in my upstairs loft. I had seen or thought I had seen a host of spiders crawling across the room.

 

In my fog-induced stupor I wandered to the kitchen and got an insect bomb prior to foolishly setting it off in the room as I fell asleep. The last thing I remember before expiring was smiling to myself how smart I was that there “ain’t no bugs on me!”

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


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