POOR WILLIAM’S WHIMS

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YOU CAN’T GET THIS S*@$ IN NEW YORK CITY:

 

Guess what goes with Vodka?

By POOR WILLIAM

 

(VIDEO INCLUDED)

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”  —  Ron White

Vodka was not a “big thing” during Poor William’s youth. Non-Deltans are probably thinking, “Why would he even need to mention that; who drinks vodka in their youth?”

The following mattered: Old Charter 8–the “8” matters, Justerini & Brooks (J&B )–my father Roundman’s favorite Scotch, Beefeater gin–used to mix it with Tang and replace the spent gin with water, Malt Duck from Kim’s neighborhood store, Budweiser–the real one–not the light one, Schlitz Malt Liquor–when hard up, Tuborg Gold or Lowenbrau when feeling “all European,” “Chilla” Cella Lambrusco–meant to be a chilled red wine, and occasionally a pint of Cherry Vodka mixed with a Sonic Sprite, nurtured judiciously while cruising Clarksdale on most Sunday afternoons in the spring of ’78–NOT 1878.

How well I remember telling Burl, Dale and Jay–the owner of the cool white Bug with the red interior who escorted us around town–that I must stop drinking Cherry Vodka and listening to our Sunday afternoon 8-track repertoire: Frankie Valley’s “Oh What a Night,” “Brown-eyed Girl” by Van Morrison, and Aerosmith’s “Big Ten Inch”–surely a song about the diameter of an LP, so that I could go home and get dressed for my church’s Sunday afternoon youth group meeting.

Vodka was just regular or cherry back in the day, until soon thereafter Pepper Vodka was discovered at Buster’s in Memphis. Regular ole vodka was not infused with oil-of-the-too-damn-expensive-something-or-nother herbs that can now be found in any modern bar where they pay taxes and have health inspections: not talking about the waitresses here, ladies.

Vodka was clear, believed to be odorless (didn’t fool Miss Martha Jane though), easy to mix with anything, including more vodka, and relatively cheap for a boy whose sole income came from weekday afternoon “cleaning up” duties at the local tavern, The River Road, home of the hell-yeah-I’m-in-here-drinking-now-because-I-can Lad of Promise, the cherub-faced, Poor William. The Promise part of the lad disappeared long ago somewhere out West, but alas, he retains a hint of the cherub.

Jump to the present, and one finds Poor William still drinking his dad’s J&B, though a hell of a lot less than he drinks vodka and water with a tasty low-cal mixer. The Vodka and water mix is the most health-conscious white liquor drink in the most ‘umble estimation of one Poor William.

He does remember being concerned in the ‘80’s with a local businessman who was the first he knew who drank vodka and water. The drink seemed so in need of a twelve-step program. Maybe it was because vodka tasted so strong when mixed with water only.

Today, Poor William mixes his vodka from a non-plastic bottle with an array of tasty, flavored with healthy-sounding sugar-free packets of tantalizing powders bearing names like Raspberry Mango Native Islander Organic Cage-free Never-Been-Tested on Animals Except for Wild-eyed Southern Boys.

Both ingredients are then hydrated carefully with high-alkaline Kangen water. Voila, Poor William’s taste buds are now being tantalized, his blood remains thinner, and due to taste bud titillation, he drinks more water and stays infinitely more hydrated.

Poor William got caught last night. It was an unexpected catching and one not void of hard-to-breath-I’m-laughing-so-hard humor. He has been a little leaner financially, so the cupboard was barer than usual.

Having gleaned over the last few weeks leading up to the recent Juke Joint Festival every possible mixer from all the cabinets at the Salone de Boheme–he always wanted to name a home–he tried the last pseudo-viable powder in the home. Was it to go unnoticed?

Would the secret of the double-top-secret secret ingredient remain hidden ad finitum? Play the accompanying video and find out………………….

 

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THE TOP RIGHT CORNER

 

Or…….

CLICK HERE to watch the video.

 

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