Lemming Moments: Dancing Near the Sea

By POOR WILLIAM

Most folks in their middle ages remember as children seeing the grainy nature video of packs of Norwegian lemmings rushing over a cliff to their death. It was such a spectacular and confusing scene; so unknown in the limited media world of that day.

Poor William frolicking in the raging and flooded Mississippi River in May 2011. Photo by The Delta Bohemian

Poor William, often a bit antsy, sometimes has what he refers to as “lemming moments.” Magical Madge, his amazingly beautiful and complex bride of mythical proportions, will often notice his thought-to-be-subtle behavior and will inquire of His Squirminess as to whether he is having a lemming moment.

Always thrilled that she picks up on his enigmatic behavior, he usually assures her that he is close. Close meaning he hasn’t run for the cliff, but he has tightened his shoelaces and knows the route of least resistance. The lad is about to bolt. As the Borg on Star Trek would say, “Resistance is futile.” The cliffs beckon Poor William as surely as the Sirens call to unsuspecting sailors.

Doing a hint of research this morning on lemmings, Poor William found out the 1958 Disney video reportedly showing lemmings committing suicide en masse was staged and the cute little furry rodents were pushed and shoved off the cliff.

Jeez, not one to lose more sleep than necessary due to any form of “rat” dying, it is more than disturbing to think that was staged. One cute little one looked just like Alvin of the Chipmunks soaring into the Artic like a flying squirrel headed for an oak limb. Actually, he looked more like a smaller version of the dancing gopher on Caddy shack. Who could kill that little fellow?

Lemmings do not commit mass suicide, but they do migrate and are able to swim pretty damn well. They just get into trouble when the body of water they are swimming across doesn’t end for thousands of miles.

The lemming to the sea metaphor is supposed to represent folks who just follow the status quo pack, even if it leads to their unthinking and untimely death. For Poor William, the lemming moments seem to act more as a metaphor describing his method of dealing with his manic rushes and the sometimes need to do something thrilling and immediate. It is these lemming moments that give his loved ones a bit of angst at times.

Mr. Lil John is well acquainted with them and Poor William is always glad when he is around when they do occur. And likely, they occur more often in his presence, because he is a voice of reason.

Now having found out this morning that lemmings do not commit suicide and in fact were pushed over the cliffs in the iconic and misleading Disney video, Poor William, also a child of the entitlement era and the “it is societies fault, not mine” mentality, has decided that he is being led to his lemming moments by the unseen hands of the government and “The Man.”

Knowing he is no longer culpable, let the games begin.

There is a cliff a waiting,
Poor William’s on his way.
Lemmings move aside.
This is Poor William Day!

Not one to shy,
Hide, run, or fade,
Poor William needs a rush
And this cliff looks okay!

Now, he will be careful
As careful as he can be,
But, he needs the thrill,
Of dancing near the sea!

So, lemmings move aside,
Poor William’s day is here,
Let’s just hope the cliff
Instills a hint of fear!

To the rails you fearful,
Never to the sea,
Move aside for the lad,
With the cavalier pedigree! pw

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