David Danced, Poor William Pranced

Lil John and Poor William walkin' the wedding dawg and having fun at The Clark House after a blessed Holy Matrimonial Ceremony.

Mr. Lil John and Poor William walkin’ the wedding dawg and having fun at The Clark House after a blessed Holy Matrimonial Ceremony.

(Clarksdale, Mississippi) By PONTIFICUS MINIMUS

I TOLD POOR WILLIAM NOT TO DO IT, but does he listen to me?

The porcine, powder-puffed poet just has to be “hisself!” I told the denuded, disrobed, Cavalier One that some folks around here are not gonna find his antics amusing.

He said, “It ain’t for all those folks, and if I want to expose my gargantuan medley of belly and pecks on my own website and my own Facebook page, then folks can either like it, hit the delete button, “unfriend” me on Facebook, never read the Delta Bohemian again, and if they show it to their elementary age children, who I don’t friend on Facebook, then shame on them for doing so, but don’t go whuppin’ on Poor William!”

Poor William, for his “snow odyssey” picture on his Facebook page, got in a bit of ecclesiastical trouble. I will not divulge anything here specifically, because we live in a small town and we do not want to bring any shame or denouncements on anyone.

Poor William sat down with me and discussed the genesis of his snow-romping, semi-nude (he was covered up more than most of the videos and magazines that the naysayers watch, wear at Moon Lake, or let their kids watch) SPOOF on FB and the Delta Bohemian.

He said that he missed the cold weather out West, where he often camped in heavy snow for several days, way up in the mountains at an elevation usually exceeding 9,000 ft. This is not the first time Poor William rolled his colossal carcass in the snow. Along with a whole continent of Scandinavians and Northern Europeans, he finds this to be refreshing.

Also, Poor William likes the cold for a myriad of reasons. He said when he went through a horrendous couple of years not long ago, while living in New Mexico and Colorado, that he would often seek the cold, as it was the one thing other than God’s Grace and faithfulness that let him know that he was indeed, alive!

When he was cold; he felt alive. God’s Grace, the love of family and close friends, along with “feeling alive” due to the cold, were the three things that let him know he was still alive. If he was still alive, then God still had plans for him.

Now, I can hear some folks saying, “Does Poor William think God’s plan was for him to roll his rotund self in the snow and then post it on Facebook and The DELTA BOHEMIAN?” No, Poor William doesn’t think that, but he does think God takes pleasure in the fun he has with his like-minded wife, who willingly shares his zest for living out of the proverbial box.

Anybody who knows Poor William knows he was born without some kind of governor that most folks have; just ask his family and his best friend John McKee for tales of whimsy involving the two. Poor William just can’t help himself at times, and according to his wife, best friend, and close friends: “That’s all right, because he doesn’t hurt anybody.”

Well, if you or your children were “hurt” or scarred from seeing him clothed in nothing but snow, a Frenchie cap, a wedding ring, and a “Reading Rocks” bracelet–he does wish it hadn’t been rainbow colored, but he found it out on Mr. Lil John McKee’s farm, and he thought if a “Reading Rocks” bracelet came from FRIARS POINT, then surely it had some good mojo–then he is truly sorry, but he will not allow religious positional authority to silence his right to be whomever he wants to be in his private life, particularly when no one is getting hurt.

However, he does have enough respect for church and autonomous school authority to not want to violate any of their precepts and codes of conduct, and if SPOOFING himself in a picture to promote his out-of-the-box website, which is intended to bring together locals and Bohemians everywhere who love the Mississippi Delta and who spend gargantuan amounts of money here, then he will do the inverse of Dylan Thomas’s admonition and, “Go gently into that good night–not literally I hope!”

Now, one might ask, what does this have to do with DAVID DANCING? Does Poor William really have the unmitigated gall to mention his name in the same title with the biblical King David, who God said he loved?

In 2 Samuel, Chapter 6, David and 30,000 chosen men of Israel were carefully bringing the ark of God, which contained the original Ten Commandments, back to Israel. David was so excited that he “was dancing before the Lord with all his might, and David was wearing a linen ephod.”

A linen ephod was not the equivalent of being butt-naked in the snow, but it was considered not to be appropriate attire for a king in public. No, Poor William does not see himself as a King–well, maybe the King of Folly!

David’s wife, Micah, the daughter of the previous King Saul, saw her husband from her window in the City of David and she despised him in her heart for not conducting himself as she thought he ought to!

Micah came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servant’s maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself.”

David responded that he will indeed celebrate before the Lord and that he will even be less esteemed than this and humbled in his own eyes even more so. David cared not what man thought of him, only what his God thought of him.

David continued, “But with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished.” David knew he was but dust when compared to God’s incomparable glory and he did not care what others thought of him and his antics if he did it “unto the Lord.”

David danced because he was joyful before the Lord; Poor William pranced in the snow because he was glad to be alive on a fresh, new day, and in his own mind, he did it unto the Lord and unto his wife who was the only one filming it!

Snow is cleansing; it slows life down so that relationships can be renewed and fostered, and it blankets our world with a silence we rarely share. The same silence that allows us to slow down and hear God’s small voice!

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as SNOW; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

The Lord forgives Poor William when he asks; he never wants to offend anyone if it can be helped, but he will prance and dance before the Lord when moved, and if it bothers others, then I hope they too will forgive him! Vaya con Dios!

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Comments

  1. Ben Crawford says:

    Good word, PW. When does the First Church of the Delta Bohemian meet? Would love to be a member…or does membership on the website grant access to the Right Reverend Poor William? Keep it coming man!

    • Ben, I don’t think any church will have PW now! Madge and I might have to worhsip alone! But, come join us; “where two or three are gathered…” 🙂
      I appreciate the time you invest in your comments here and on FB! Holla if ever in the Mississippi Delta! PW

  2. Thanks for the extremely disturbing images that will most likely haunt me for the remainder of my life.

    • LD, some Sweet Lucy might help with those flashbacks my brother! 🙂

      • Oh Dude… Forget Sweet Lucy; LSD wouldn’t help. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any more hideous I opened up that YouTube Mr. January 2011 Fright Fest Odyssey. Dear god! It was like watching a train wreck. Women must be clutching their children in Clarksdale. Please tell me that wasn’t filmed on Swamp Rat’s property.

        The one consolation is that I didn’t see those pictures before I shoveled about five feet of snow over the past few weeks. Imagine the fear and trepidation of plunging a shovel in the snow with that freshly burned vision, and thinking there might be a nude Poor William lying below the next drift?

        Hahahaha, You’re just not right!

  3. Tru werdz Ben!
    Sign me up for that same Church meeting!

  4. Awwwww, Laurie, you are so damn encouraging! Just get yall’s asses back down to the Delta and we will do another canoe trip, and Pat can be Mr. March and we can shoot you when the red ants begin marching one by one up your leg again! Was truly a lovely sight:oops, sorry about all those ant bites! You and Madge might have to be on the Delta Bohemian “Hot Chick”calendar due this Spring! 🙂

  5. Bond, Jane Bond says:

    You should have left the picture up. It was marvelous and truly in the Delta Tradition! I planned to print it and frame it, but alas you removed it while I procrastinated as to whether to use matt, satin or linen photo paper! I was also in a quandry as to whether I wanted a 5 x7, 8×10, or larger? Which do you think would look better?

    If Yankees can jump into the ice filled lake every year and get their picture in the paper, you certainly can and did frolic in the snow “buck nekkid” if your brave enough and post it in your own private, very entertaining magazine. I suggest you hire a new priest and get some new friends that will appreciate you!

    Please send me my signed autograph picture now! You can decide how large a print to send! Thank you.

  6. Lord Chuck says:

    My God tells me not to judge others. He tells me that he reserves that for himself. I believe my God puts people in our path for a purpose. PW is one of the most kind and considerate people I have come to know over the years. I will thank my God for good friends like PW and enjoy the jest our converstions add to my life.

    Lord Chuch of the Muleshoe Clan

  7. Lord Chuck, you do yourself great honor by being so egalitarian and kind! PW appreciates ya more than you can imagine!

  8. I thought Florida was really a wild and crazy place; but after years of everyone here staring at me like I’m nuts when I talk about the Delta, I’ve come to realize that FL has nuthin’ on the Missippi Delta! All the wild escapades I relate from childhood have these urban dwellers scratching their heads in wonder. But Poor William has truly iced the cake!

    They say down here that the further south you go, the further north you go (It’s true!), and we are way down here in infamous Palm Beach County (anyone remember “hanging chads”? the 911 terrorists learning to fly just one town up but not wanting to learn how to land? the anthrax building-which was in truth right across the parking lot from my husband’s building?) To be honest, sometimes I think the folks here are surprised I can speak a complete sentence being from Missippi, much less tell a decent tale!

  9. Well stated Liz! 🙂

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